why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
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That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
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Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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