I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
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we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
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you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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