i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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