what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
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I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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