I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
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Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
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And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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