I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
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