I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize