Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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