if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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