I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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