I think I am morally bankrupt
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize