I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
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Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
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That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
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