im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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