When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
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Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
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Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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