oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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