By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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