We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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