I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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