Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was confusing and full of hummus
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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