Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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