I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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