Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
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I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
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The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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