If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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