I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
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I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
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Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
We had sex on a dog bed..
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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