Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(714): View more from California

I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room

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(714): I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room http://tfl.nu/2egq

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(312): View more from Illinois

Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.

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(312): Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good. http://tfl.nu/1om1

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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.

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(780): i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself. http://tfl.nu/5eaf

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(650): View more from California

you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"

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(650): you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks" http://tfl.nu/u0u9

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(651): View more from Minnesota

I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.

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(651): I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister. http://tfl.nu/ezh5

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(240): View more from Maryland

We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.

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(240): We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course. http://tfl.nu/y9iu

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(512): View more from Texas

At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.

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(512): At this point I just want to meet a man with a job. http://tfl.nu/97ts

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(506): View more from New Brunswick

Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.

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(506): Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11. http://tfl.nu/fzyl

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(240): View more from Maryland

YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.

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(240): YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN. http://tfl.nu/d5pr

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.

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(412): He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far. http://tfl.nu/xxyj

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(763): View more from Minnesota

Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye

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(763): Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye http://tfl.nu/6gyi

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?

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(306): My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck? http://tfl.nu/wbbs

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex

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(617): Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex http://tfl.nu/il5u

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(210): View more from Texas

Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!

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(210): Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!! http://tfl.nu/6efz

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,

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(603): well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge, http://tfl.nu/ijq7

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