She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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