I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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