she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
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I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
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They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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