well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
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Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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