I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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