If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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