the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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