I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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