i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
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Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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