Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize