I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
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