i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize