really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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