i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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