I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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