The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
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You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
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I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize