so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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