He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize