that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
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