I accidentally had phone sex last night
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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