it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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