Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize