STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
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His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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