what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
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