Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
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i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
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Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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